WHEN MY MIND IS HEAVY WORDS TEND TO SPILL OUT

This is the look I give when my friends who aren’t premed try to tell me to go out with them tonight and just study tomorrow…

They just don’t understand…

I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t YOLO enough… Officially added to summer to do list.

I understand that when premeds start looking up statistics of med school admissions and etc (i’m also guilty), we start to stress out and will do almost anything to get a leg up on someone else.  Some people will even purposely teach someone the wrong thing to get a better grade than them on a test (completely ridiculous).  When you think about it… all of us premeds are in the same boat and the same struggle, so why would anyone try to make it harder on someone else just to make it easier on you.  

In my eyes, a Doctor would never have to cheat their way to the top or screw other people over in the process.  Well here’s my opinion on this… since we all want to eventually be some type of Doctor right? Well why not start acting like one now.  Why wait to have doctor tendencies when you can be “doctor-like” now.  I know I wouldn’t want a doctor who graduated top of his class only because he screwed all of his peers over.  Basically what I’m trying to say is that anyone can weasel and connive their way to the top… But if you can graduate top of your class and at the same time make everyone around you better… Thats impressive… That is a Leader. 

Dear fellow premeds,

I’m not sure if my followers are the same year as me or younger but regardless I think this is some good advice.  Before this quarter I knew how tough people said Ochem was and how its the “make it or break it” course for premeds.  The only silver lining I had was that I heard if you didn’t like Gen Chem then you would love Ochem.  So with people telling me this I came into the course with the mindset that I was going to do great and blah blah.  Next thing I know a few months later I have the highest grade in the class.  Researchers have always said there is so much that we don’t fully understand about the brain…. and who knows, maybe simply psyching/tricking yourself into believing you like the class and are going to get an A is a key factor.  

On the other hand I hated my calc II class for the longest (mainly because I don’t want to be an engineer and don’t see the point in suffering through the class lol), and I struggled to maintain a C. The minute I changed my attitude about the class I got a B on my next exam (really good considering my teacher is a crazy hard grader/nazi).

So in the end what I’m trying to say is that if changing your mindset can work for me… it’ll probably work for you. 

Someone ask me if I’m African… Or just regular black -_-

I think one of the biggest things I’m afraid of doing is making new friends… I know I sound like a kindergartener going to first grade, but its been a while since I’ve made real new friends.

During highschool I made the two best friends that I think I’ll have for the rest of my life. After high school I went to a community college locally so I never really branched out to meet new people. I’m social (and a really cool kid) so I met some new kids here and there… but when I think about it… I have yet to meet any new people who I would tell a deep secret to, or give them advice, or get out of bed at 3AM to rescue (or do the same for me). So this once again brings me back to square one when I transfer after this semester.

I know that my real best friends are only a phone call away, but what am i supposed to do when I need them there in person. I fear that I’ll never make a relationship with someone to the point where I feel safe around them… or am not afraid that they’ll sell me out for a happy meal and a lotto ticket.

Before today… I had this sense that I was an adult, I was mature, and strong. Now I see that I am still very new to this whole growing up thing.

Ughh I wish I had one… life would be so much easier